Call someone you haven't spoken to in a while

[SpyderTracks]

Hiya all

I almost didn't post this as I didn't want to bring the forum down, but the more I've thought about it, I feel it's the right time for perhaps some highlighting of what is no doubt a huge problem.

Tonight, a DJ / Producer (I wasn't aware of his work, but follow one of his friends) was pronounced dead after taking his own life due to mental health issues, greatly exacerbated by lockdown.

Seeing the explosion on twitter, people just weren't aware of how upset he was, and that this was something on the cards. It's truly tragic.

Now, I know for myself, I've struggled more than normal over the last week, same for a few of my friends. These last few months have been really tough, I think people are just exhausted, and often completely subliminally, by how long these lockdowns have continued for.

I think it's so important to reach out, phone those people you may not speak to as often, just catch up, let them know how you are and that you're thinking of them.

Wishing us all peace and happiness and most importantly, tech (not trying to minimise things, just trying to elevate a sombre message).

 

[NoddyPirate]

Hiya all

I almost didn't post this as I didn't want to bring the forum down, but the more I've thought about it, I feel it's the right time for perhaps some highlighting of what is no doubt a huge problem.

Tonight, a DJ / Producer (I wasn't aware of his work, but follow one of his friends) was pronounced dead after taking his own life due to mental health issues, greatly exacerbated by lockdown.

Seeing the explosion on twitter, people just weren't aware of how upset he was, and that this was something on the cards. It's truly tragic.

Now, I know for myself, I've struggled more than normal over the last week, same for a few of my friends. These last few months have been really tough, I think people are just exhausted, and often completely subliminally, by how long these lockdowns have continued for.

I think it's so important to reach out, phone those people you may not speak to as often, just catch up, let them know how you are and that you're thinking of them.

Wishing us all peace and happiness and most importantly, tech (not trying to minimise things, just trying to elevate a sombre message).

SpyderTracks - a brave, honest and incredibly timely post. I agree 100% with all you say.

Close friends of mine lost their beautiful daughter a year ago not long after the COVID drama began. Another example of an apparently outwardly happy individual who was dealing with internal strife no one full understood.

Keeping communication lines as open as possible, with everyone we hold dear, is the best hope we have I believe.

 

[Martinr36]

Hiya all

I almost didn't post this as I didn't want to bring the forum down, but the more I've thought about it, I feel it's the right time for perhaps some highlighting of what is no doubt a huge problem.

Tonight, a DJ / Producer (I wasn't aware of his work, but follow one of his friends) was pronounced dead after taking his own life due to mental health issues, greatly exacerbated by lockdown.

Seeing the explosion on twitter, people just weren't aware of how upset he was, and that this was something on the cards. It's truly tragic.

Now, I know for myself, I've struggled more than normal over the last week, same for a few of my friends. These last few months have been really tough, I think people are just exhausted, and often completely subliminally, by how long these lockdowns have continued for.

I think it's so important to reach out, phone those people you may not speak to as often, just catch up, let them know how you are and that you're thinking of them.

Wishing us all peace and happiness and most importantly, tech (not trying to minimise things, just trying to elevate a sombre message).

So true, mental health problems often go un noticed till it's to late

 

[SpyderTracks]

Close friends of mine lost their beautiful daughter a year ago not long after the COVID drama began. Another example of an apparently outwardly happy individual who was dealing with internal strife no one full understood.

I'm so so sorry to hear that, I'm sure that impacted you as their friend rather heavily, it's such an awful tragedy.

 

[NoddyPirate]

I'm so so sorry to hear that, I'm sure that impacted you as their friend rather heavily, it's such an awful tragedy.

It's hard to describe really. I have never felt so useless in all my life. I had no idea what to do or what to say. But we both figured out eventually that nothing needed to be said - just being there - sitting quietly - drinking tea - whatever - was a start. Being in the height of a full on lockdown here at the time was further salt in open wounds for them too....

Which is why your post is so important. Reminding people that they have friends, family and support around them is a key element. Despite all of our progress in society, there is still such a taboo when it comes to talking about mental health in particular.

 

[AgentCooper]

Even if you’re alone or estranged from loved ones, there’s still someone to talk to. The Samaritans have people by the phones 24 hours a day ready to listen. If you’re struggling to find the words but just need to hear a voice they’ll talk to you, I can’t speak highly enough of these amazing people who volunteer their time so selflessly.

 

[Martinr36]

And don't forget its not just the person with the mental health problem who need support, but also those close to them

 

[Deleted member 41971]

Even if you’re alone or estranged from loved ones, there’s still someone to talk to. The Samaritans have people by the phones 24 hours a day ready to listen. If you’re struggling to find the words but just need to hear a voice they’ll talk to you, I can’t speak highly enough of these amazing people who volunteer their time so selflessly.

this may also help

Anxiety UK​

Charity providing support if you have been diagnosed with an anxiety condition.
Phone: 03444 775 774 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5.30pm)
Website: www.anxietyuk.org.uk

Bipolar UK​

A charity helping people living with manic depression or bipolar disorder.
Website: www.bipolaruk.org.uk

CALM​

CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably. A charity providing a mental health helpline and webchat.
Phone: 0800 58 58 58 (daily, 5pm to midnight)
Website: www.thecalmzone.net

Men's Health Forum​

24/7 stress support for men by text, chat and email.
Website: www.menshealthforum.org.uk

Mind​

Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems.
Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm)
Website: www.mind.org.uk

No Panic​

Voluntary charity offering support for sufferers of panic attacks and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Offers a course to help overcome your phobia or OCD.
Phone: 0300 772 9844 (daily, 10am to 10pm). Calls cost 5p per minute plus your phone provider's Access Charge
Website: www.nopanic.org.uk
Email: [email protected]

PAPYRUS​

Young suicide prevention society.
Phone: HOPElineUK 0800 068 4141 (9am to midnight, every day of the year)
Website: www.papyrus-uk.org

Rethink Mental Illness​

Support and advice for people living with mental illness.
Phone: 0300 5000 927 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 4pm)
Website: www.rethink.org

SANE​

Emotional support, information and guidance for people affected by mental illness, their families and carers.
Textcare: comfort and care via text message, sent when the person needs it most: www.sane.org.uk/textcare
Peer support forum: www.sane.org.uk/supportforum
Website: www.sane.org.uk/support

OCD Action​

Support for people with OCD. Includes information on treatment and online resources.
Phone: 0845 390 6232 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5pm). Calls cost 5p per minute plus your phone provider's Access Charge
Website: www.ocdaction.org.uk

YoungMinds​

Information on child and adolescent mental health. Services for parents and professionals.
Phone: Parents' helpline 0808 802 5544 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 4pm)
Website: www.youngminds.org.uk

 

[AgentCooper]

Despite all of our progress in society, there is still such a taboo when it comes to talking about mental health in particular.

This statement is perhaps one of the most important things to highlight about this subject.

In my line of work I talk about mental health throughout the day but it still has an unspoken stigma attached to it, people don’t want to own up to struggling with their mental health for many reasons. They think it’ll make them seem weak, that people will pass certain judgements on them, that their employers may sideline them. It’s a culture that’s hard to break, even though there’s now some brilliant support available to those who need it.

The idea of the classic British ‘stiff upper lip’ in times of adversity should be well and truly put to bed. Everyone needs to know that it’s okay to not feel okay.

 

[Martinr36]

About 6 years ago I was going out with a woman who suffered from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which was really difficult as I never really knew who i was going to be seeing, really opened my eyes to mental health problems

 

[AgentCooper]

About 6 years ago I was going out with a woman who suffered from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which was really difficult as I never really knew who i was going to be seeing, really opened my eyes to mental health problems

My oft used analogy about MH is that it’s similar to severe back pain - you don’t know how crippling it can be until you either experience it yourself or see what it does to someone close to you.

And don't forget its not just the person with the mental health problem who need support, but also those close to them

This is another astute statement from you and it’s bang on the money. Support needs to be in a capacity that branches from the sufferer outwards to encompass their nearest and dearest. The NHS is getting better at it but we’ve still got strides to make.

 

[Citrus_9]

Strangely that some people aren't even noticing having problems when they actually have them. When I'm depressed it may take weeks or months to notice it, but someone from aside could see that quicker than me and tell me that I'm not ok while I would even argue truly thinking I'm totally fine. Unfortunately, my partner has left me last year which has opened a can of worms as I had to deal with it, also other stuff and on top of that I didn't know how am I performing as I'm now living alone and it's harder to asses my own emotions, feelings and reactions. Previously my partner would have mentioned to me and I'd pay attention.

I'm suffering from bipolar disorder and one more thing which I don't want to mention as people get spooked without actually knowing what it is as it's stigmatised. Sometimes I'm having difficulties to understand certain situations emotions based situations: I may overreact, get in to a panic attack, or get get upset quickly to extreme spikes from crying to laughing within minutes etc. It may sound scary, crazy or childish, but it took for me around 10 years to get properly diagnosed, and it's been a great relief.

I now know that with improving medicine, psychology and other sciences more and more people get diagnosed early which open more opportunities to start learning and adapting to live with it earlier which increases chances of better performance to reach a better life quality.

My moods may change extremely within minutes, hours few times a day or even stay same high or low mood for weeks which would mean a disbalanced life cycle etc. It takes lots of energy, as a result my weight is keep changing. I can stay alive without food for a few days, sleeping a few hours only, or in other extreme side, only sleeping, eating, not going out of home and not talking to anyone for weeks or months. I'm sure some of you seen something like that along the lines.

Unfortunately, after 6 years of trying to balance this out with medication, I decided that I feel best without it at all. Because two of my conditions don't get along well meaning medication suppress (balances) one, but provokes the other... I can study, work, etc, however, I loose friendships and partnerships as for some people it gets too heavy. Each time I learn more and more, trying to implement life experience to not get in to troubles because of my reactions.

Just learning to live the life, and it's sometimes embarrassing being an adult and making some awkward situations, but it is what it is. I'm super grateful to my colleagues and family supporting and not judging me for my certain reactions or just me completely ignoring them for days or even weeks (it scares the shit out of them as they don't know if I'm still present) and not acting different when I'm back to present because of it.

I know there's lots of people around suffering of the life changes due to covid. Seeing these examples I think about it a lot and learn some compassion, and feeling not alone because there's plenty of other people having some sort of smaller or bigger disorder, mania, fear, obsession etc.

But yeah, it's good to notice people around. We're all different, with different needs and expectations, our own experience makes us unique.

Understanding, empathy, but also boundaries and clear signs I think is the key in human relationships.

 

[Bigfoot]

Mental health problems can often go unnoticed and can have serious, even fatal, implications. This can be due to long term conditions or shorter term pressures, but the impact is the same. I have seen the impacts of Schizophrenia and Bipolar disorder close up in family and friends. The last year of lockdowns has caused quite a few issues for work colleagues. I have sailed thorough lockdowns, but have been depressed for shortish periods in the past (teenage years- ancient history and after a big breakup).

If anyone is struggling, please reach out to family, friends or professionals.

 

[slimbob]

This is such an important thread, MH is so misunderstood but things are improving so much . Feelings and emotions are just like the seasons and summer is not far around the corner. The lockdowns can be really hard for people suffering with their MH.

 

[slimbob]

Strangely that some people aren't even noticing having problems when they actually have them. When I'm depressed it may take weeks or months to notice it, but someone from aside could see that quicker than me and tell me that I'm not ok while I would even argue truly thinking I'm totally fine. Unfortunately, my partner has left me last year which has opened a can of worms as I had to deal with it, also other stuff and on top of that I didn't know how am I performing as I'm now living alone and it's harder to asses my own emotions, feelings and reactions. Previously my partner would have mentioned to me and I'd pay attention.

I'm suffering of bipolar disorder and one more thing which I don't want to mention as people get spooked without actually knowing what it is as it's stigmatised. Sometimes I'm having difficulties to understand certain situations emotions based situations: I may overreact, get in to a panic attack, or get get upset quickly to extreme spikes from crying to laughing within minutes etc. It may sound scary, crazy or childish, but it took for me around 10 years to get properly diagnosed, and it's been a great relief.

I now know that with improving medicine, psychology and other sciences more and more people get diagnosed early which open more opportunities to start learning and adapting to live with it earlier which increases chances of better performance to reach a better life quality.

My moods may change extremely within minutes, hours few times a day or even stay same high or low mood for weeks which would mean a disbalanced life cycle etc. It takes lots of energy, as a result my weight is keep changing. I can stay alive without food for a few days, sleeping a few hours only, or in other extreme side, only sleeping, eating, not going out of home and not talking to anyone for weeks or months. I'm sure some of you seen something like that along the lines.

Unfortunately, after 6 years of trying to balance this out with medication, I decided that I feel best without it at all. Because two of my conditions don't get along well meaning medication suppress (balances) one, but provokes the other... I can study, work, etc, however, I loose friendships and partnerships as for some people it gets too heavy. Each time I learn more and more, trying to implement life experience to not get in to troubles because of my reactions.

Just learning to live the life, and it's sometimes embarrassing being an adult and making some awkward situations, but it is what it is. I'm super grateful to my colleagues and family supporting and not judging me for my certain reactions or just me completely ignoring them for days or even weeks (it scares the shit out of them as they don't know if I'm still present) and not acting different when I'm back to present because of it.

I know there's lots of people around suffering of the life changes due to covid. Seeing these examples I think about it a lot and learn some compassion, and feeling not alone because there's plenty of other people having some sort of smaller or bigger disorder, mania, fear, obsession etc.

But yeah, it's good to notice people around. We're all different, with different needs and expectations, our own experience makes us unique.

Understanding, empathy, but also boundaries and clear signs I think is the key in human relationships.

Really good post and thanks for sharing your story and your important message, I hope things improve for you and I wish you nothing but the best.

 

[Steveyg]

These are great posts guys, hope everyone can stay safe and find happiness

It can be hard sometimes

 

[MrWilson]

Thank you to @SpyderTracks for having the courage to start this thread, and thank you to @AgentCooper and @SpartaM&M for sharing the links to the helplines. When you're in the pit it can be so hard to realise that there are people around you who want to help.

MH remains to be stigmatised, particularly with men. There continue to be people who leave us too soon, particularly in the last 18 months or so, with Covid exacerbating everything and adding extra pressures. I've had some low points, my depression came back in full force back in October, and if it wasn't for the support I am fortunate enough to have around me I could have continued down the negative spiral. The only way to fight the stigma is to keep having these conversations.

If you feel yourself going down this path, I strongly urge you to talk to someone, whether that be family, friend, or someone at the end of a phone. Sometimes helplines are good as you can unload on an anonymous source, and talk more freely without risk of blowback. As mentioned by @Citrus_9 it can also be good to self-diagnose, so please do keep an eye on your friends and check in from time to time.

Stay safe everyone.

 

[NoddyPirate]

Strangely that some people aren't even noticing having problems when they actually have them. When I'm depressed it may take weeks or months to notice it, but someone from aside could see that quicker than me and tell me that I'm not ok while I would even argue truly thinking I'm totally fine. Unfortunately, my partner has left me last year which has opened a can of worms as I had to deal with it, also other stuff and on top of that I didn't know how am I performing as I'm now living alone and it's harder to asses my own emotions, feelings and reactions. Previously my partner would have mentioned to me and I'd pay attention.

I'm suffering of bipolar disorder and one more thing which I don't want to mention as people get spooked without actually knowing what it is as it's stigmatised. Sometimes I'm having difficulties to understand certain situations emotions based situations: I may overreact, get in to a panic attack, or get get upset quickly to extreme spikes from crying to laughing within minutes etc. It may sound scary, crazy or childish, but it took for me around 10 years to get properly diagnosed, and it's been a great relief.

I now know that with improving medicine, psychology and other sciences more and more people get diagnosed early which open more opportunities to start learning and adapting to live with it earlier which increases chances of better performance to reach a better life quality.

My moods may change extremely within minutes, hours few times a day or even stay same high or low mood for weeks which would mean a disbalanced life cycle etc. It takes lots of energy, as a result my weight is keep changing. I can stay alive without food for a few days, sleeping a few hours only, or in other extreme side, only sleeping, eating, not going out of home and not talking to anyone for weeks or months. I'm sure some of you seen something like that along the lines.

Unfortunately, after 6 years of trying to balance this out with medication, I decided that I feel best without it at all. Because two of my conditions don't get along well meaning medication suppress (balances) one, but provokes the other... I can study, work, etc, however, I loose friendships and partnerships as for some people it gets too heavy. Each time I learn more and more, trying to implement life experience to not get in to troubles because of my reactions.

Just learning to live the life, and it's sometimes embarrassing being an adult and making some awkward situations, but it is what it is. I'm super grateful to my colleagues and family supporting and not judging me for my certain reactions or just me completely ignoring them for days or even weeks (it scares the shit out of them as they don't know if I'm still present) and not acting different when I'm back to present because of it.

I know there's lots of people around suffering of the life changes due to covid. Seeing these examples I think about it a lot and learn some compassion, and feeling not alone because there's plenty of other people having some sort of smaller or bigger disorder, mania, fear, obsession etc.

But yeah, it's good to notice people around. We're all different, with different needs and expectations, our own experience makes us unique.

Understanding, empathy, but also boundaries and clear signs I think is the key in human relationships.

I feel quite privileged to read that @Citrus_9 even though this is a public forum. Bipolar Disorder is in my family and I know how tough it can be - for all involved sometimes too.

Some of what you have said is so useful for everyone - mental health issues or not.

Life is complicated - struggling with it at times should be fully expected and support should be a given - but for some reason society still has a way to go......only the current community can change that and it’s discussions like these that help that process move forward.

Great thread @SpyderTracks - I think this can help people from all walks of life.....

 

[Deleted member 41971]

I also think, one of the main contributing factors to the deterioration of mental and physical health is the work place environment don't get me wrong, there are great business to work for, unfortunately a significant number of businesses do provide poor treatment to their employees, I believe that political figures have a duty to place better enforcement of existing regulations as this will in part help to prevent for example a proportion of avoidable trips to either a gp or hospitals.

Great advice I heard a while back is if you feel stressed or mentally rundown, always remember to make time for your hobbies and interests, that way you remember what makes you happy and not feel as if the worries and stresses are all consuming you.

 

[Scott]

Great advice being offered and thanks @SpyderTracks for getting us talking about things. I'm a little late to the party but also share the sentiments of all.

I would add that noone should expect any reaction from what they would normally receive when making such calls. Just stay in touch with people around you and "touch base" with them. That alone can shift some of the darkness without actually feeling the need to open up and talk about where they are at mentally.

I have a friend that I know suffers with mental health. I call up for a chat with her every other week. Not one single thing is ever mentioned in that regard, although it can feel a little like the elephant in the room at times.

Anyway, my point is a reminder not to call up expecting anything to be shared and to hang up the phone thinking everything is fine, but instead just keep in contact regardless. You may not know from the reaction of the call if any difference has been made but you absolutely will have regardless, mental health issues or not.