One-liners

[rouchie]

Is it mass or density or just weight? What is the mass effect on a dense person who can't weigh?

 

[Martinr36]

Is it mass or density or just weight? What is the mass effect on a dense person who can't weigh?

Blonde42

 

[jamiephillips909]

 

[Tron1982]

Look like spam to me

 

[jamiephillips909]

my personal fave

 

[AgentCooper]

Mrs Cooper tripped and dropped a full basket of freshly ironed laundry.

I just sat there and watched it unfold.

 

[NoddyPirate]

My wife got really annoyed about my terrible sense of direction. She said she couldn't take it anymore, so I packed up my stuff and right.

 

[Martinr36]

Mrs Cooper tripped and dropped a full basket of freshly ironed laundry.

I just sat there and watched it unfold.

you sure you didn't crease up

 

[NoddyPirate]

Another of my Dads favourite pieces of advice:

If you ever get in trouble, just do a 360 and get the hell out of there!

 

[ubuysa]

Another of my Dads favourite pieces of advice:

If you ever get in trouble, just do a 360 and get the hell out of there!

The best advice I got from my dad (who was a wood and metal pattern maker), and which applies to so much in life, was:

The piece of wood that's cut exactly to length is always an eight of an inch too short.

 

[AgentCooper]

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

 

[jamiephillips909]

A Jumper Cable Walks Into a Bar
The Bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

 

[Bigfoot]

My sister in law used to tell her kids that, when an ice cream van was playing a tune, it meant that it had run out of ice cream and not to waste time coming out to buy some. They now all have kids of their own. I wonder if they will pass on the advice and create a family tradition.

 

[AgentCooper]

That's my step-ladder. I never knew my real ladder, it left before I was born.

 

[NoddyPirate]

View attachment 26293

That's my step-ladder. I never knew my real ladder, it left before I was born.

That's the thing my wife offers me when I have some problem or other - she says it could help me get over myself.

 

[rouchie]

Following on from the earlier spam theme

 

[Martinr36]

My sister in law used to tell her kids that, when an ice cream van was playing a tune, it meant that it had run out of ice cream and not to waste time coming out to buy some. They now all have kids of their own. I wonder if they will pass on the advice and create a family tradition.

Tried that with my girls when they were younger as well

 

[Martinr36]

View attachment 26293

That's my step-ladder. I never knew my real ladder, it left before I was born.

I wonder if step ladder is related to step stool

 

[NoddyPirate]

I wonder if step ladder is related to step stool

View attachment 26297

Step-stool is related to incontinence I expect.

This is my step-stool. I never knew my real stool - it left me before I was ready.....

 

[NoddyPirate]

I fear I may have sent the mods into an awful frenzy with that one!! 😬