One-liners
- Thread starter AgentCooper
- Start date
SpyderTracks
We love you Ukraine
OMG that's amazing! Wetting myself!
SpyderTracks
We love you Ukraine
I can't stand King Of Queens personally, but it just came on this morning with this opening and was pretty good
SpyderTracks
We love you Ukraine
Genius!
Quasimodo goes into the pub and orders a glass of whisky.
‘Bell’s alright?’ asks the barman.
‘None of your bloody business’ he replies.
‘Bell’s alright?’ asks the barman.
‘None of your bloody business’ he replies.
HomerJ
Author Level
How To Handle A Scammer ~
I had a call from a scammer the other day.
Me: “Hello.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”
Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”
Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”
NOT-Microsoft support: “It’s okay Sir. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device Sir?”
Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”
How To Handle A Scammer ~
I had a call from a scammer the other day.
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes Sir, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?”
Me: “I think it’s already on.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay, Sir. Now you want to click on Control Panel.”
Me: “I don’t see that.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”
Me: “Yes.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”
Me: “Wow, I didn’t realise it had a name.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes Sir, now press on Internet Options.”
Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet, Sir. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “Okay, it’s the same as before.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s okay Sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”
Me: “Um … I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”
Me: “In those cases, I usually press the big button.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay sir. Please press that button.”
Me: “Okay.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Is your device off?”
Me: “No. The door popped open.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Door? Is there a disc inside the door?”
Me: “No, there’s a burrito.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”
Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support
I had a call from a scammer the other day.
Me: “Hello.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”
Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”
Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”
NOT-Microsoft support: “It’s okay Sir. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device Sir?”
Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”
How To Handle A Scammer ~
I had a call from a scammer the other day.
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes Sir, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?”
Me: “I think it’s already on.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay, Sir. Now you want to click on Control Panel.”
Me: “I don’t see that.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”
Me: “Yes.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”
Me: “Wow, I didn’t realise it had a name.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes Sir, now press on Internet Options.”
Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet, Sir. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “Okay, it’s the same as before.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s okay Sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”
Me: “Um … I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”
Me: “In those cases, I usually press the big button.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay sir. Please press that button.”
Me: “Okay.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Is your device off?”
Me: “No. The door popped open.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Door? Is there a disc inside the door?”
Me: “No, there’s a burrito.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”
Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support
Martinr36
MOST VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
Wonderful
Salmon Fisher
Enthusiast
A Roman walks into a bar, holding up 2 fingers, he says 5 pints please to the bar man.