One-liners

Nat9320

Bronze Level Poster
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SpyderTracks

We love you Ukraine
Did anyone get snow today? We didn't down where I am on the A3 towards Portsmouth, but a few places further up the A3 towards London had showers.
 

TonyCarter

VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
That's pretty impressive for November, especially considering how warm it's been up until the last week.
We normally don’t get any, even when the rest of the country does, and never anything until about February, as we’re sheltered on 3 sides by the Welsh hills to the south, Lake District & Pennines to the north, and Peak District to the east…the west is sea and it needs to be very cold for anything from the Atlantic to bother us.

In fact Liverpool had more overnight than where I’m going skiing next month in Banff, Canada…although their base is slightly better…
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TonyCarter

VALUED CONTRIBUTOR
Stolen from another forum, but still funny/not funny...

Be careful today #snow

It snowed last night...

8:00 am - I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By noon it all melted

Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes
 

ubuysa

The BSOD Doctor
That would be funny if it wasn't all so very likely. What a sad bunch of navel-gazing, self-important, intolerant, thought-police the country has become. It's not like that in Crete. If you offend a Cretan then you should leave.....
 
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